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Jokes चुटकुले

छोरा: माँ, एक बात बूझ ल्यूँ?

माँ: हाँ बूझ ले।

छोरा: मैं गोद लिया था के?

माँ: बेटा गोद ए लेत्ते… तो सुथरा सा न लेत्ते?

 

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शिवजी ने जब जाट बनाया तो उसे सब कुछ दिया। तेज़ दिमाग़, लंबा चौड़ा शरीर, लेकिन ज़ुबान ना दी, 

तो पार्वती बोलीः प्रभु आपने कितना बढिया आदमी बनाया है ये जाट, इसे भी ज़ुबान दे दो ताकि यह भी बोल सके।

शिवजी बोलेः ना पार्वती यह बिना ज़ुबान के ही ठीक है। यो बोलतईं चाळै पाड़ैगा

लेकिन पार्वती ना मानी। पार्वती जी ना मान्नी। बोल्ल्यी ना जी इनै एक बै तै बुलव्या कै दिखा ई दो 

पार्वती की ज़िद के चलते शिवजी ने जाट को ज़ुबान दे दी। 

ज़ुबान मिलते ही जाट बोला, रै शिबजी, या इतनी सुथरी लुगाई कित त ठा कै ल्याया सै?

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रलदू नै चोरी करण की कसूती आदत थी। एक दिन वो चोरी करदा पकड़या ग्या। थाणेदार सिपाही से बोल्या – इसकै सौ जूत मार आप्पे सीधा हो जेगा। 

सिपाही उसती हवालात म्ह जूत मारण खातर लेग्या  

रलदू उसतै सौ का नोट दिखाकै बोल्या – किम्मे हो नी सकदा। 

सिपाही सौ का नोट गोज म्ह घाल कै बोल्या – मैं कांध कै जूत मारूँगा अर तूँ किलकी मारै जाइये। 

रलदू नै एक सौ का नोट और जेब तै काढ्या अर बोल्या – लै किलकी बी तूँ ए मार दिए मन्नै जाण दे।

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Ye Hai Mera India

     
   
     

#  India is the world's largest, oldest, civilization that has continued since its beginning.

#  India is the world's Largest democracy.

#  India has never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.

#  India invented the number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta an Indian Mathematician.

#  5000 years ago when many large parts of world were only nomadic forest dwellers, Indians established Harappan Civilization in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization)

#  In India there are 300,000 active mosques in India. It is more than in any other country, including the Arab world, Pakistan or Indonesia.

#  All the European Languages developed from Sanskrit the mother Language. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report published in Forbes magazine in July 1987.

#  Chess (Shataranj or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

#  India has the second largest pool of Scientist and Engineers in the World.

#  India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.

#  India is the only country other than US and Japan, that could make a super computer indigenously.

#  India has the largest number of Post Offices in the world

#  Indian Railways is one of the largest employers in the world; it employs over a million employees

#  India was one of the richest countries till the time of British rule in the early 17th Century. All the western explorers including Christopher Columbus and Vasco D Gamma were attracted by India's wealth. They were allured to by its wealth and came or tried to come looking for a sea route to India. America was explored by mistake.

#  The highest bridge in the world is The Baily Bridge. It is located in the Ladakh valley between the Dras and Suru rivers in the Himalayas. It was built by the Indian Army in August 1982

#  The Vishnu Temple in the city of Tirupathi built in the 10th century, is the world's largest religious pilgrim destination. Larger than either Rome or Mecca, an average of 30,000 visitors donate $6 million (US) to the temple everyday.

#  Banaras is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world. In 500 BC when Lord Buddha visited this place it was known as Varanasi.

#  Martial Arts were first created in India as Malla Kala, and later spread to Asia by Buddhist missionaries.

#  Yoga is the execution part of the Great Samkhya Philosophy. It has its origins in India and has existed for over 5,000 years.

 

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PS Malik gives you some more truths of life

  • 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
  • As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
  • He who has the gold, makes the rules —- Murphy’s golden rule.
  • If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
  • Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
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PS Malik sends you five humorous aspects of life -  enjoy them:        

1. Important Document

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when she found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

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PS Malik tells you the right way to Install a Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy 

Dear Tech Support,Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

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PS Malik tells: You will love this Doctor

 

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer ; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

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